Entertainment doesn't seem to entertain me.
I may laugh. I may be inspired for a moment or think oh that's nice.
But sometimes I get a feeling something's missing.
There's a void in my life.
There's a gap in how I am showing up and who I really believe myself to be.
Do you ever have that feeling?
I've had this void ever since my father died when I was younger. But I realize it wasn't him dying that created the void. It's facing my own mortality that really scares me. It's a sense that one day all the people I meet, everyone I loved or hated or whatever one day will be gone.
Time passes. Wounds heal.
Achievements fade.
Memories cause nostalgia and heart ache.
There's this effervescent presence in the moment. In the willingness to let go of who you perceive yourself to be and let yourself be who you are.
You will never live up to everyone else's expectations. You will never have everything you want because if you do get it, you'll end up wanting more.
All we can hope for is this temporary indulgence. A temporary escape from the realities of life. The reality that no one has quite figured this whole life thing out. No has all the answers. It's a mystery we look to control the chaos. We look to control the sad truths. We look for peace within. Something to be remembered by. A comfort in legacy. A comfort in what we'll leave behind. We look for solace in eternity.
Interactions become at best a fun game of new discovery and at worse an ignorance to the grand scheme of it all.
Who are you?
Where are you from?
What do you fear?
What do you love?
Why?
Why has been a question that has tempted me for most of my life. Why do I do what I do? Why do other people do what they do? Why do I believe what I believe? Why do other people believe what they believe? Why is so simple yet at times seems to only cause greater confusion. Why has my life turned out the way it has so far? What is the progression - what would have happened had I done things a little differently?
Then I remind myself of cliches to improve my mood.
"You're exactly where you're meant to be." " What's the gift in this moment?"
Make myself feel better by focusing on positives or opportunities or affirmations or pumping myself up.
These are all gimmicks. Temporary things to delay the inevitable.
If someone were to ask me what's the point to life, I have a simple answer. The point of life is to live in a way that death won't be a regret, it will be a celebration.
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| The point of life is to live in a way that death won't be a regret, it will be a celebration. |
Don't regret that you didn't do everything you could to create that life for yourself, for your family, for your friends, for your spouse, for people you're a role model for.
I remember growing up thinking I don't want to be a role model for others but the thing is you're a role model whether you like it or not. People look to you and model their actions after you. They model their beliefs after you. Or they look at you and say "I never want to be that miserable." Or "I never want my life to be the way that person's life is." You're the person that decides what they might say about you.
If you have doubts - people around you will have doubts. If your parents experience fear - you will experience fear. If you're uncertain people who model you will be uncertain.
Love with reckless abandon. Give with all your heart. Live the life you've always dreamed of. Never take anything for granted and Believe in yourself.
Peace,
Josh Gort
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