I'm on a journey of discovery. Sometimes I don't know who I am. I'm an artist. I'm a musician. I'm a businessman. I'm a son. I'm a brother. I'm a friend. I'm a lover. These are some things that come to mind. But then I go on to think who am I really? I'm a badass. I'm a revolutionary. I'm one of a kind. I'm no good. I'm destructive. I'm going nowhere.
I often find myself setting goals and falling short. It's a lack of commitment and discipline. I read a lot. I feel like I have all the answers yet I still don't end up where I want to be. I have a great life don't get me wrong. I'm just not where I thought I'd be at this time in my life. And that's the thing, I'm holding onto this fuzzy image of who or where I thought I'd be instead of accepting the reality of where I am currently. Moving forward from here. I've thought about a wide range of careers. Then I picture what it would take to actually do those careers and I sell myself off of it. I love music and I have thoughts of having millions of fans one day but then am I crazy to think that. Or I've thought I'd be a great actor but then I think about what goes into that and I feel I might die if did acting. Would I overcommit to the role. Why am I not committing to the responsibilities in my life currently?
Some days I want to run away from it all. I don't really want to be seen. I don't want people to try and understand me. I just want to be free. I'm after freedom and truth. I look at the world and I see how messed up things can be and I'm curious as to why they've ended up that way. I look at how we have more than enough food to feed the entire world yet two thirds of that food just goes to waste. I wonder about true values. If you're silent about something does that mean you're for it. For example if you don't speak out about war, then you're for war right? In a way, being silent is agreeing. Not acting is a choice just as much as taking some corse of action is. You might not be the one holding the gun but there's still some responsibility necessary.
I don't understand why the world is the way it is. I don't know if I ever will. That's why I just try to focus on my world and where I'm going. Understanding myself and how I fit into the world. And that's the thing, I've never really felt like I've fit into this world. My curiosity always gets the best of me. I'm curious what would happen if we did things differently. I'm curious how we can change the world for the better. But other days I can be very selfish. And I am selfish. We all are in our own way.
Where am I going with this, I'm not really sure. I keep telling myself I'm going to post more music and post more on my blog and I don't really do that much. I get caught up. How often do we stop ourselves from doing something before we even have the chance to start. We get caught up. We don't call an old friend because we got caught up. We don't tell someone how we really feel because we got caught up. We do things to live at surface level. Because at surface level we can wear masks. When we wear masks it's easy to cover pain or the truth of how we really feel about something.
Pain is only temporary. Take a chance each new day. Take a chance to let it be different from the last day. Don't shape your identity around your past. Don't be the one who lets life go by without doing something you really want. Even with all your responsibilities make sure you're doing something for you today.
Feel free to share your thoughts on your journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment